Surely you’ve imagined the day where you disappear. Maybe floating over all the places you frequent, observing what would happen without you.
Though it’s sometimes amusing to romanticize, more often than not the world moves on without you. Maybe you’re held in the memories of those you’ve met, however long – maybe they could carry on some fragment of dream you used to have.
Sometimes you stay more as a hollowed part in those closer to you – something desperately clawed at. It takes a while to patch it over with smiles if a surprise reminiscing forces itself on those unsuspecting. Only when you’re acquainted with that hollowness do you realize how many convenient counterfeit beliefs we all afford.
There are people disappearing right now. Maybe it’s not worth thinking much about; maybe it could be worth a little thought. A principle of Human Rights for all is how, in some respects, our value is shared amongst all of us. If we can’t pay respects those traveling beyond, what’s left?
Sometimes it’s easy to envy those who are strong about it all. However many disappearances they’ve been through, plan to. But the thought comes all the same: what’s left in this worldly graveyard of flowers? So many goodbyes and too few hellos.
Perhaps one could write it all as a bit too demanding: how absurd it is to expect something forever! But maybe it’s bargaining for a few good more moments, however it glistens the days after. Even then perhaps that’s a bit too demanding. There’s already too many mild blue-grey marbles colliding in all of the other linked memories, insanities which crawl around these pages.
What would it mean to disappear mentally? Maybe one does it everyday, walking over daises, sucking you back into a memorial abyss. It’d be the same as stepping in and out of the stage, and maybe one day you hope the stage to be a perpetual black; a long ink river between white blots of angel communes. Where maybe you’ll ride the stream and blotch each camp, let them feel the misfortune you bottle everyday. Even if you know you’re only digging your heels to drown.