In an earlier iteration on my website I had a link hidden to the “double bind” concept. Here it is for your convenience.
For the past week I’ve felt increasingly suffocated and depressed about what to write or why I even have this website.
A double bind is where, whatever action you take, you lose. You may fulfill one expectation, but fail on another. You may push forward one piece of progress only to stub your toe in its cracking asphalt.
I’ve maintained neocities websites for a few years now. The reason why is because a lot of life is filled with double binds – so much so that if I think about it long enough it fills in a familiar cage.
You would suppose the answer is to just accept you will always fail in some fashion. I mean, a double bind doesn’t even have to come from some other – it can come from your own self. For example, on one hand you may have urges for authenticity, but on the other hand such authenticity will furnish in some paranoia too. Until your closet is all polka-dotted for the clown you’re being driven by.
A lot of world isn’t as it seems; whether you want to interpret that spiritually, literally, or other ismally it’s still how it goes. There’s a lot of things hidden between lines if you want to search, or not, whatever, it’s a double bind anyway. When you’re laced in double binds, the only way forward is to cut through, isn’t it?
The internet itself is a double bind. This neocities is a double bind. There is no “correct” action – all actions are pathways toward “losing” in some capacity.
The only “winning” move is, of course, to not play. It is to not play.
The same way you’d hope your guttural-backed shouts get through the skulls of whoever you’re sparring with. Of course that’s not how it works though. Just waiting for turns to yell into the space between and shake a temper unfulfilled.
As a straight-lace I don’t even have food to sedate me. Writing was one of my last sedations but now it renders as the thorn which presses with each tippity-tap into nothing. Maybe one can hope to open the pinata that way.