Entertainment is a scam, or at least the stuff I’ve been using to entertain myself lately.
I’m coming to believe that fun-as-a-deliverable rarely exists, and if it does exist, it does not exist online.
When I watch my youtube videos, or check on forums, I feel more drained than previously. Maybe there’s some enjoyment in writing out a reply, but the after is me left with myself and without as much energy.
I had a couple of youtube videos I was following. Then I would just click on recommendations. And this hollowness in me expanded until I would feel palpable dread while trying to stave it away with another video, or even a walk.
It’s like some lifeforce was sucked out of me. And it just doesn’t work.
I’ve disabled all of these sites I used to go to. I give it all up, the same way one gives up alcohol, because all it does is make me feel like garbage after.
Farewell.