Performative Excess Humility

You know what’s an easy way to make whatever you’re saying more digestible?

You pretend you’re beneath the listener, or on the same team. To make the more disgusting points you can degrade yourself as alms.

And I perfected that. For some reason I find it easy to take as many stabs at myself to make whatever point palpable. But the more I think about it, I mean, I just don’t want to do it anymore.

I’m not going to.

It doesn’t mean I’ll brag, because I hate bragging too. But if I’m so quick to debase myself just so someone could bear to have their ego poked at a bit, then that’s that.

So no. I won’t portray myself in any dimmer light. I’m stopping this. You better stop it too.

Because you know damn well in this world the only cheerleader you ever have is your own self. If you get used to taking jabs at yourself then you’re just making it easier for everyone else and now you got nothing to retreat to. Nothing, other than a bile you built through silence.

From day one you’re taught not to take pride nor be too conceited, and honestly I think it’s a good idea, but it’s interpreted with the wrong reasons. Having a big ego makes life such a sludge to get through, that’s all. Nothing more to read into. In the same sense, making yourself uncomfortably small may make confrontations easier, near dismissible, but that leaves marks. Helps no one in the process.

So I’m just not going to bother anymore, and if you think I have to keep doing this writing humiliation ritual to make a point and ordain myself so underdog-like or so understanding and nuanced, well, you’re entitled to that thought.

But no, sometimes I don’t have to at all.

I’ll let others do it for me.