Hello again. Don’t have much of a set topic on this conversation. Regardless, thought it’d be worthwhile to write. However long, however much–especially since there’s not a significant cost.
There are no debts on my reputation – only time between the both of us. Though would this qualify as spending time with one another?
What’s nice about this type of time-spending is its timelessness. Technically these words could be passed indefinitely forward until nobody else would bother to hold onto them.
To walk in the eternal realm sort of thing. A resolute expression even though there’s nothing to be fierce about today.
One thing I thought about earlier today was what makes someone valuable. Value can take on multiple dimensions here, of course. That’s what makes it an interesting question, but caution advised: it’s easy to lose yourself in it.
A high-over answer is that you alone determine what makes you valuable. That is, your value is what you can work with all alone. Nothing else matters when you’re boarded up and away. I suppose that’s what makes walking around in this writing pleasurable: because you can drop all of the other games here. There are no inputs and outputs. Akin to the white meadow for a burial that never has to take place; perpetually suspending the coffin until the last reader drops it.
Still, we can dive into the games around all of us, whether it’s of family or of friends, marketplaces and sins. What will you provide others? Did you want to?
Whatever value I provide in the games around us, the value itself seems to escape me. In addition, the anxiety – subjugating yourself to the discerning eye of the other – seems too stifling. I guess it depends on your aspirations!
But while roaming these games so I keep in mind a comfortable reality: I don’t mind if you hate me. And whatever disdain waiting won’t matter much. Maybe it’s an extreme form of hedgehog-ism, but if you never expected warmth/love from outside of yourself, then there’s nothing to worry about, is there? All you have to do is show up, complete whatever tasks you decide to subject yourself to, and come back to these meadows. Pruning the garden of one’s inner world always feels more fruitful than whatever acceptance one could find outside.
Pleasing others ought to have some contingencies: e.g. I am pleasant to roommates not because I care whether they like me, but whether I can maintain a modicum of sanity while I live with them. Naturally this precludes having others like you too much, because boundaries dissolve and more stress is all involved. This is what’s so lovely about Professionalism™ and cold distance. In some ways you can serve others desires more by maintaining distance, if you think about it.
And the strange desires of others are all the more reasons to maintain a distance. You may find yourself swept up in their dreams. A classic example is how sometimes people desire to feel chaotic. And it manifests as drug habits, spending habits, outbursts and other things – all of which are rarely on my daily to-do list.
Sentimentality is also lost on me. Nostalgia for things which are always here, in this white meadow, if you give it enough thought. One could put a sepia tint upon a memory faded about graduation, city visits and other things – and yet you and I are walking in the Forbidden City in the midst of its springtime festivities.
What I’m saying is how these things are always accessible. We can live a highschool life together, today, if you’re so inclined. The only thing you’d have to do is let go of time. Even if that seems too obtuse, holding onto the simple idea of all these things are available again with enough Eternity never fails to render me expressionless.
With my daily walk I found a waff of spice about. Leaves dancing with such a brightness to them – the bloom of Spring is in full swing. What lovelier way to bottle the day than to understand such things are always here? The eternity of seasons is what makes them so enduring toward our conception of things. I’d rather think in terms of seasons instead of years. There’s little evidence we can’t be immortal. Why not take your mantle amongst this immortal day then? Be the wood elf you always wanted to be.
That’s the other thing I’ve been thinking: what’s makes someone beautiful/impressive? The grace of an immortal Elven noble seems to be the embodiment of beauty: knowledge, youth, grace, reserved and fair. But I’m not sure. Being this amalgamation of angel and beast so the senses can cloud true beauty. And shame can come swiftly after.
What’s impressive to me is one’s endurance and focus. As that is which all else springs, I think. I mean, where you give your attention is where you give yourself. That’s an interesting property about relationships – an inability to put your attention anywhere else even though you’re drowning in pain about it.