Once you see how everything you could ever want will never satiate you, you have a couple of options:
You know what’s the strangest thing about either path? They’re actually one and the same.
When I used to maintain my website, there was always a feeling of being Taunted. Taunted by the idea of connection – more specifically, relief. But there is none. There never was, except more pain.
And if you expand the circle, it really encompasses an entire life.
Whatever embrace you could feel, once felt, turns invisible.
Whatever lover you could have, once acquired, wilts into memory.
Whatever camaraderie you’d want to cultivate, once established, rarely renders your fixations resolved.
It is only in the immaterial – it is only dwelling in the immaterial plains, the immaterial (imaginatoral) worlds could you find any salvation.
Not about desiring the immaterial, but dwelling with it, asserting it is already you.
Lately when I look at things, I just see phantoms. This is a world of half-forms. It is no different than closing one’s eyes. If you reach out, your hand goes through everything.
There is nothing you can acquire here, other than a reminder of the immaterial – other than the things you’ll always take with you.
Friends are phantoms, conversations too. Laughter and crying all the same, and it doesn’t matter whether I word this sentence this way or that.
You are damned and free if you want to be. You are damned as long as you think somehow you’ll find relief anywhere other than a surrender.
Only when you embrace this emptiness, do you become full.
【無】