Amnesia is striking once more. The other day came with a bold declaration but some haphazard sleeping left me more confused than ever.
I flipped through websites out of habit, but also out of longing.
As much pain people have been the source of, there’s also much excitement there too, perhaps.
Or a poor excuse to sit back and do nothing. Waiting for others to do something interesting.
That implies there aren’t already a ton of things out there that are interesting and developing. But it’s as though I’ve set a mental blockade to say, “Ah, if I don’t come across it this way then it doesn’t count!”
Very well we all know I could join another company. And we all know there’s nothing preventing me from beginning something different.
It’s just I’m not sure what to work on to solve this longing.
Whatever embrace you may find in another person dissipates soon after. Is it due to the feeling of immediacy as to why one still reaches toward it?
Whatever apex moment you make out of an evening comes with the morning after. Are you sure you want to settle for a linear timeline? Condemned to live the rest of days never measuring to a magical night. Absurd!
I do want to squeeze the world tightly, whether to choke it or to merge with it. There’s a wooden walkway to the picnic that I would hope to attend, and yet burned bridges make the ending rather perfect. To keep it as something-to-be rather than something-past.
Well, in either case, if longing is all that comes from aimless browsing, I’ve decided to effectively ban myself from everything.
And so if I break that ban, I at least know I’m in retrograde. Falling into amnesia once more.