Some get ridiculed for not having a lot of friends.
More often than not though, people are painful, if you aren’t careful with who you interact with!
I was painful to others in the past, I reckon. That’s what I remind myself when I get stung by old memories: I was doing the same. Of course I said some things carelessly, probably did some things carelessly, and yes I remember some of them along with shame. When I write to people I reread what I typed maybe 20 times to make sure it comes off right because such carelessness definitely hit me in the past. Almost as if spending triple the time on how I word my stuff will somehow erase the days where I didn’t pay attention. Where I won’t be sorted underneath the same category as those who were once too careless to me. Although those days won’t necessarily be erased, they can be overwritten with better ones.
There are many ways to overwrite but that’s another post. Returning the focus on the pain and why it’s there: The pain comes from a lack of internal direction from your interactions. Principle based actions. If you have good mutual goals or interests, then things are great. But if it’s not well defined, then you may find yourself bumping into each other, playing mind games or whatever social games, gossip games, that end up hurting you and others.
So sometimes I get stragglers who call me on occasion and reach out and I deeply appreciate them because it gives me good practice on socializing; I don’t socialize otherwise, beyond these old-friend staggered phone calls. And when they call I realize that I’m not too good at sharing my principles, maybe I could change that. That everyone you talk to has a potential of sharing a strong idea/goal which morphs into a bond for however long the goal lasts. I think it’s just awfully difficult to make that leap. That’s why people end up being painful. That’s why people who have a lot of friends are probably dealing with some form of pain. Because it’s hard to define principles and share them. And in order to make such a leap, you have to give up certain parts of your current lifestyle. I somewhat enjoy my aloof nature, for the most part. I guess I don’t have any burning desires to band together with others at this moment in time.
With my aloof style, almost hermit-like, I find some places online nice because it’s a simple interaction that keeps you at bay. But now I’m on week three and I’m writing this out for three things in the spirit of three.
It is better to be alone than to be in pain among others (you need principles).
You must choose who you interact with wisely (based on principles)!
People come and go (with the open and close of principle-centric goals). So focus on yourself and enjoy whatever does pass (develop based on principles, find new ones)!
To conclude, people may be painful, but I haven’t been a good friend. The pain I experienced was two way, and it was because I didn’t understand what I wanted. I could’ve been more communicative, shared more, etc. But most importantly I was aimless. It’s hard to expect anything when you don’t know what to expect. It’s hard to have relationships that don’t have shared principles. And when the principles aren’t shared, it’s not a good idea to force them on others. I can’t change people nor do I want to infringe upon their choices. I did try in the past, but it doesn’t work and I’m slightly ashamed for trying. It’s not for me to change. I can only influence at best. So I am quite comfortable just writing here.
Maybe one day I’ll be a better friend.
Maybe writing stuff here helps other’s in some strange way. I hope it doesn’t hinder them. This is all I can really do for others at this moment in time.
For now I’ll just enjoy what does pop up while keeping a good length distance. To not seek, for that seems to be the beginning of the end (for me).