[Gentle // Violent] Soul

After a pleasant bike ride today I found myself quite confused, frankly.

Because when you train yourself to be unfeeling sometimes any sort of pleasantness feels a tad like failure, maybe: I’m not supposed to feel anything, after all. That’s what I’m training.

As I weave around the suburban churn, whether crossing three lanes, bundled apartments, beyond the fisherfriends by the local pond (guaranteed), so I wonder if I could wipe away my bloodied face while smiling by. I wonder if I could remain so sublime as I watch the camp on fire, heads plastered on the pike.

Peddling past the state funded grocery stores, around the shufflers to and fro with their preferred carpark block and I wonder if we could have a conversation too, or if there’s still some sort of divinity I could appeal to because reality demands I drag your war-torn body toward the pavement burial, shut the eyes.

Am I allowed to enjoy this view while nature coyly pulls me around, whispers how much slaughtering waits, harden your stupid, stupid, childish naivety? Shove my empathy sickness further in: ought to get used to the lots of starving expanding. Where can I get rid of this shame that I already am used to it? Why does this world want me to be a demon? I already know the answer; it can’t be any other way.

Well, for today, today indeed, it’s a pleasant view. Sun setting past the concrete hill. Beads of sweat letting one know you’re near arrival. Wave and smile.

You can harden your heart for another day. You’ll learn how to execute plainly and effectively, but for today let’s love all the dogs troddling about, their owners too: so determined to meet the daily acts of living, checking off their to-dos.

Suspending their innate reflex to wipe a bloodied face too.