questings

When you’re used to siloing yourself as the “alienated” even though in a likely fashion it’s out of choice more than anything else — what if you chose the other side?

What would it take to end the alienation?

Here are some things which, for the most part, generate this feeling of alienation:

• Diet, ascetic vegetarian (eat little, same foods)
• Many days of playing computer video games (ironic, isn’t it? but it’s like the games before and the games now are in different worlds, so watching others enjoy this new-world of games makes for a strange feeling of something forgotten)
• Career, prior coworkers wouldn’t relate with (international jurisdictions), political correctness anyway
• Can only watch anime since most western media is MK-Ultra and gaslighting. Of course there’s MK-Ultra in anime, but at least it’s isekai
• Disdain for texting, fast online communication in general. No accounts, spare texts from college friends, haven’t replied in months, sometimes years, keep it so there’s no one to engage with (thankfully) texting is a psyop
• Many days of surfing imageboards — dwindling habit, distance from the modern lurker
• Many days of reading esoteric life-and-death books in an attempt to reconcile studio-apartment no-car living
• dreaming of a no-car existence
• All religions speak a little, some common beliefs
• A weird displeasure for talking about liking anything — e.g. “Oh, you like Modest Mouse? I do too!”
• Imbued with transactional living to where it’s hard to imagine what a conversation sounds like otherwise
• most days are silent anyway
• Game theory trails behind each interaction; there is generally no point to most interactions, even if we accept the mutual point of bettering one another’s lives, but that’s generally off the table for the most part — hence this post
• Constantly playing a game of being more Christlike. To err is mediocre; to perfect is human. A perfect mind is an empty one
• There is no narrative to sustain. This is it, what this is today, these are facts of this day, and they may be facts tomorrow, but there is no narrative. There is no narrative.
• There are few places worth going, no alcohol worth drinking, nor snacks worth binging, movies worth watching — everyday one isn’t a farmer is a form of failure, most likely
• there are parasites and fun guys everywhere
• the water is poisoned
• there’s a strange lens into the 2000s and CounterStrike 1.6 which injects itself with the right guitar riff; best to avoid any guitar riffs
• the lack of morality in our natural world is unsettling, but true. Strong eats the weak; is there an obligation to protect? Not in real nature, just in twisted moral structures. Could hope to rise above it, maybe
• swaying between being the useless tree and learning the uselessness through squeezing every last bit of resistance against the common day work

So it would be cool to be in a predominantly vegetarian society, for starters.

But it seems hard to reach this point; a point where you only eat a few things. Food is so ingrained into one’s day to day existence sometimes. Ingrained in how you interact with others.

But it reminds one of this:

But maybe it doesn’t have to remind one of this.

But if you’re the livestock for the higher beings, and maybe we are anyway. They feast on the suffering you could suppose. And the suffering starts from the beginning of the chain.

Anyway, parasites may control you. Sometimes you wonder if you’re talking to a soul or a parasitical one. But depending on your status you may be the parasite too. Maybe.

In the end, alienation is a way to excuse oneself for not “measuring up” anyway.

Being the outcast has its perks.

It’s also a way to avoid the (mis)fortunes of others.