When you know about the grey zone and the secret sauce to getting out of it, what still causes regression?
Came across a video with a doctor and he had the most straightforward reasons as to why people get addicted.
It’s not due to some proclivity or deficiency in the person at all. Addiction is a response to suffering. That’s it. More importantly, it is the best and current response toward whatever suffering that person is processing.
So what’s hard about addiction is — if you find stability in whatever addiction you have — to give up that addiction means to give up your current effective means of coping. You don’t have anything else. When you give up, you’re back at Square X, wherever you left off. Now dealing with withdrawals on top of seeking a different, constructive way toward relief — especially depending on what suffering you’re holding in — it’s no wonder why it’s hard. It’s no wonder why addiction comes in many forms, from the hard drugs to the soft binge eating.
In my previous approaches to addiction — for example, I once had an issue with food — I always approached it with a feeling of loss, deprivation, and I only focused on making sure to deprive myself. I could go X weeks without a granola bar but with it on my mind all the time, wouldn’t I give in eventually? Yes, and I would. Over and over. You can try to count calories, and you can try to have your cheat days, and you can try to fudge here and there, but fundamentally, you are a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode and revert to your addiction again.
So, when you want out, when you want out of things you clearly see as addictions, it isn’t about forcing yourself. It isn’t about willpower, it isn’t about how long you can go. You just need two things. A deep perspective shift, and going back to square one, or square X, whatever square you left off before falling again.
When you’re in an addiction, you just need to see through it. You need to see that you aren’t giving up anything at all. You’re actually freeing yourself. Go through the facts and remind yourself of that: by continuing your addiction you’re actively hindering yourself and just kicking the can down the road. And the can gets heavier and your feet start hurting until you can’t even kick anymore. Some addictions are stronger because of physical attachments, that much I understand — I think still tackling the mental is what is important. Those with physical attachments can also realize that, the pain they’re going through is caused by their habit (but again I know physical addictions are a whole different ballpark I don’t have a voice in). Anywho, you aren’t depriving yourself. You aren’t missing out. You won’t get relief by going back down. You aren’t giving up anything, you’re breaking the chains. There are people out there that live happily without your addiction, why do you need it?
And the reason why you need it is because going back to Square X — whatever constructive options you left behind as you fell down into the addiction again — going back to Square X sucks. You have to gather all your options and think through them again. Maybe there are a lot of squares you left behind, and it makes it all the more overwhelming. But only by remembering that, in a way, going through these squares is the only path toward your future satisfaction you’ll start finding answers.
The reason I was stuck on forums and other time wastes online was because I left behind Square X. It was more like a square one. I had no idea what to do if I stopped going to these places — which is stupid in retrospect but that’s how it works, you numb your mind. Frankly I want an effective way to turn off my mind. Now I realize that all I want is to sit in my chair. And it works. Reading books is another way to calm my mind too, if they’re good. So I found two constructive ways out — for at least in reading you improve control of your language.
And the best part is, after you feel that certainty, you really don’t care anymore. I don’t see what’s the big hub-a-bub about online messages or forums or whatever anymore. Does that make me cold-hearted, seeing as that was, in my previous perspective, a bunch of people with warm blood, the only way to reach such people? I’m not sure. All I can do is update this website and fade into obscurity.
Some people like to think they’re alone. They like to think themselves as individual. I was one of those peoples. But the reality is that I’ve never experienced deep true solitude, the one where you don’t have any devices, any online interactions, news and the like. For some reason I categorized some sites as different, but I’m still not just hanging out with myself and my thoughts, as if I am something to avoid. It’s pretty relaxing and nice to spend time with yourself, highly recommended.
Why did it take me so long? I’m not sure. Well, for one I didn’t know how relaxation worked, or I vaguely knew and kept avoiding it. And another, I guess people are used to having something to get caught up in their real life. You used to be a part of villages after all. I don’t have anyone to see in person, and, frankly, a part of me finds relief in this. I don’t have to worry about inane stuff! It’s actually amazing how little one has to put up with nowadays, if you think about it. But I guess my ancestral part couldn’t rationally process that, until now.
It’s been a long process. Is this the best part to come? I don’t know. But liberation feels sublime.
The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish, and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten.
The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits. When the rabbits are caught, the trap is forgotten.
The purpose of words is to convey ideas. When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten.
Where can I find the man who has forgotten words? He is the one I would like to talk to.