A Neu-Quietist's OS exploration

Hello friends.

For a moment I entertained an idea of switching computers. In that moment I wondered if, from here on out, I could be a tech blogger too. Through each trinket bought. But we all know tech bloggers are now vloggers, beyond those so entrenched in some fandoms there’s no stilts to climb toward them…

By a mild irritation, toward gnawing fixation, I surfed through all Amazon “Deliver Today” deals for mini PCs. For web-stitching archeologists dating this, well, you’d surely know even by the date there’s a bankrun on all RAM so there’s no point building your own computer. So if you get a prebuilt of some sort, with “locked in” RAM prices before the price fixing, you won’t feel entirely robbed. Though maybe this prebuilt “loophole” is closing. Thus I wondered, in this thin space of opportunity, before locked out of switching devices for the next good few years, or still waddling along as the iToddler… I ought to see what it must be like, to be “free” once more.

Pacing around my mental prison, GPUs as windows and micro-atx cases as doors, I bluthered through the mined concrete walls to maze of CPU comparisons, reflected upon the budding mini PC market as sure outpour from the Laptop Tax, and perhaps this was the first step toward retribution of my complete amnesiac tendencies; with a proper workstation, who knows what opportunity awaits!

It’s no secret that I’ve done this before, perhaps four months ago, before realizing it was pointless. But this time around I had a more convincing motive: I could have this new computing environment be a complete overtaking of this Jungian shadow here writing. The username would be siqu surely, or perhaps a metamorphosis into xufu, in a hope of Penglai’s Patrons grant me godspeed in whatever endeavor waiting. In this outpouring of shadow bloom and complete mask takeover, who knows, this site could have a complete rehaul reflected by the chrysalis shedded. In the meantime it is shelved away as a tumor, visited out of a nervousness, or hope, mild pray, it won’t stop growing, for the practical mind knows this is all useless.

In the tension between a seemingly good reason, graced finally, and the underlying reality I knew I was lying to myself, nevertheless I justified it by a red bow’s finale: let’s dip our toes, by sure small pricing. With a quiet resolve I scrolled three links more until it outlined itself on the webpage: a small order, a simple $200, and I won’t even bother looking at the specs much more. This is a better raspberry pi, that’s all. I can finally begin the tumor incision with this new cyber-callsite now delivering, this day, by the evening.

While loafing about for the next five hours I already had a crisis wondering which Linux distribution to choose. To some this is a mere trifle, though to many others this is the essence of one’s character. The same way you can look at someone’s shoes and understand their consumer DNA, so the same with one’s Linux flavor, to the horror of many, though no need to worry. It is not as though such membership grants anything.

By an unfortunate confession I must disclose, so sometimes I’m exposed to the latest tech hype cycles. The creator of Ruby on Rails started a Linux distribution, or custom config… and perhaps I would see what the hoopla is all about. Though the thought of installing was the same as reinstalling Discord to me. As of late when I walk about I like to imagine it’s in the center of Siberia, and God’s oasis shreds my soul by each step, piercéd silence: it’s hard to sustain such imaginary bulwark if I, by mere installation, collide with one of the most enthusiastic tech communities. It seemed more reasonable to go for the defaults I’m well versed in. After all, I daily-drove Fedora for a few years.

So you have the rising star, much to the chagrin of the Linux diehards, and then old reliable: some GNOME default simple install. To still choose the hat, as the opposing.

While walking in the park wondering why I even bought the mini PC in the first place, and the dread of consumer regrets, of buying anything honestly, whenever I buy anything at all, the dread comes, but I stuffed it all away with a Gordian solution: installations take no longer than 20 minutes, and are simply reversible. So I’ll try the new one.

The evening came and the mini PC is the size of two debit cards in width, depth, about a credit card in height. I muffled through creating the bootable usb (ran into errors as usual though), and then loaded into the installation GUI. With a few details, typing in siqu as username, accompanying email, for a moment I wondered that maybe buying things does make a difference. The installation took 6mins and after flubbing the reboot (had to unplug the USB otherwise it boots the install again), I finally load in. And when I loaded in, the mini PC had a consistent high-pitch whirr sound which, I suppose, marked the descent of my apathy.

I tried fiddling around with some of the keybindings, finally managed to connect my $8 mouse, explored some of the pre-packaged themes. But the whirr kept obstructing my appreciation or blocking my imagination toward what could happen next.

By the whirr, and in the same way the Ratatouille critic transports back to his childhood upon first bite, so it was the same when I was greeted with the wallpapers, tiling, and thus dredged up all of these memories fiddling with Linux. Fiddling a long time ago. Though the distinction was I am not sure if it was bright, or even if it was, such brightness was by proximity, the year alone, rather than the joys of fiddling. There was no nostalgia for it, I suppose. The more I switched through the wallpapers, and then I checked the pre-installed applications, and then I saw Discord in there because that’s how they handle and communicate and I know I am the curmudgeon, please throw tomatoes, it’s whatever, there is no “value judgement” here. I booted it off, resolved to return it.

Though intuitively, before returning, I created another bootable USB of Fedora. It was quick to install, and the mini PC was quiet the same as the prior install. Fedora comes with a “Live USB” that let’s you preview the OS before installing. It was strange, in a way, because I was much more impressed and adored the clean austerity of the defaults. Perhaps it was mere familiarity. Nevertheless, this is something I would find in Siberia, is all.

The install finished once more, and with the reboot, logged in, waiting for the whirr to begin… but it didn’t. I suppose the prior new OS required much more compute power, or I had to configure something of the fans, but no matter. I began to feel smitten. For a moment.

I would suppose the main joy of getting a new device is found, instead of the novelty, in the complete dead weight dropped. My prior computer has scatters of sludge throughout its drives, and I’m always maxed out since it’s only ~500GB. Being able to “forget” everything with a fresh operating system is what’s appealing.

And so it’s no surprise that as I started to install some applications, whether editors, Firefox addons, password managers, and so on, my love began dissipating. But out of some bargaining I wondered if my dissatisfaction centered on the lack of dongle support, the lack of raw CPU power. Thus once more I sat around surfing, knowing I was going to return this, that perhaps what I need is something beefier.

Though after roaming all of these mazes I realized I still am in a prison, of my own making. If I got another mini PC it’s one more item to fret about. One more schism of the mind. I knew this as preliminary, and I haven’t been entirely honest with you. The actual selling idea that started all of this was to have a separate computer for separate “environments”, or more concretely, “work and play”. But it seems I’d rather have work and more work, and then if too much, then to do completely nothing staring at a wall. A new computing environment wouldn’t do much for me, I don’t think.

Thus the mini PC, though of course it did nothing wrong, finds itself without a warm home and purpose. I delayed the return process, for a bit, to see if there’s a change of heart, but there wasn’t. I suppose the only thing left is to clean up everything on my old computer.

Or to abandon this place, and everything else, and start anew.