Taking a catalogue of the countless years mulling over.
Even now I do the same!
Yet let’s not remember the charred field. Let’s remember the sunrise after a white flag.
Maybe it hasn’t raised yet, maybe it won’t for awhile. While we wait in each of our bunkers, I wonder what would nice. For I didn’t give it much thought in those years before and, in retrospect, it seems that’s the whole point of such mulling — not to become charred yourself.
I think — more than anything else — what would’ve helped would’ve been to plant new green today. And not necessarily for me.
Contained within a room, all of my issues blow up. It becomes the extent of my world. It’s dominating, yet rather insignificant when I zoom out. The hurdles of ideals can choke you. And sometimes there aren’t obvious answers, that maybe I’m reaping what I sowed with some earlier addictions. Sometimes we want to attribute something intelligent to what we’re experiencing, but we’re just in the slosh of aftereffects, the hangover of a decision from nights before, from people before, from lives before.
While we’re in our bunker, waiting for the shell to shock — it seems so absurd, it does, but if all faculties leave you in the same state, then bolstering what’s around you — who’s around you — is another pathway out.
Everything multiplies and returns what you emit. While waiting for the shells, just thinking about the bunkers around me brings me some solidarity. While waiting for the shells, passing around my extra rations brings me some strength. While waiting for the shells, seeing all of the others shivering in angst reminds me to stay stronger, to lend some energy, so it’ll double and double-back when they pick up. While waiting for the shells, I begin to see that the web I am a part of; whatever I connect to, it all act as resonance and will boost whatever I emit, extend my capacity. There’s a reason some trinkets are lucky, that some people always ease you. They’re imbued with a resonance that results such things, that you reinforce.
So may you see those around you, even the animals you come across, bugs too, the little fears they battle too. May everything around you hold you up when you’re falling down. And may you remember what you want to send through each can-tied string, each slab of wood making up your furniture. For it compounds and massages every psychological knot until the day you pull it apart.
The era of V-formations has come to a close, but it doesn’t mean you can’t send some spare branches for new nests. When you visit you’ll find the forest hoisting the energy you’re seeking. Harmonious sounds all around.
Don’t underestimate how one act, one thought of kindness can change everything, for you and for who you’re around. It multiplies.
Welcome to the family of the lost and confused, of angst and blameless pains, existential dread that reigns — welcome, welcome! Glad to be your host. I won’t know your whole struggle but I know the frustrations. In either case, you’ve made it this far, you’ve a lot more strength than you think. And you know what, I think you’re closer than you think, to the other side. That it will be alright. Peace & quiet is around the corner. Stress’ll dissipate!
Everything around you is waiting for your next move. What’ll you choose to do?