Unneeded
When I was a lot younger sometimes mowing the lawn so I’d mull over and wonder why I was born. That if I ever had a child, well, I’d hope I’d have a good enough answer as to why. Since I never got one.
When I scroll through and imagine the Haruhi Suzumiya pivotal scene depicting the baseball stadium and the hundreds of thousands more and you’re a singular node: I mean, what else to do other than construct your own reality?
Leafing through some books so it says I may as well not mentally exist: and they’re right when I walk around enough. One could be the oxen and manage the fields. Are we not already oxen for the advertising giants? How many subliminal messages have you ingested in the last hour?
I think one common neuroticism threaded between many western minds is this implicit value we all carry. Ordained by God and everything. But if that’s the case, well, I mean, I don’t think it’s working out that well.
It haunted me a lot, if anything. Reaching and hoping whatever hand extended finally knocks the dominoes toward something meaningful. But I still see blank faces before and after every meeting, and I’m alright with that honestly.
The natural response is to eject yourself if your host is terminally ill and you don’t fend in its schematics. Become the tumor. Gratify yourself of everything since you no longer are obligated to anything. But the more I gratify myself the more the snake constricts.
When a neighboring aristocrat makes a carriage visit so the host frets about and follows a strict codec. Why do you think? I think the common man can forget it’s ultimately the same. We’re always in an exchange, and value is everything.
But I like being useless to you. And you aren’t obligated to me. We are useless to each other, and some could say this is where the beauty lies: two visitors in a stand discussing their plans unfolding on the global stage. As you can tell it’s one of my more favourite pastimes, and you can leave whenever you want.
I used to be bothered being so useless and unneeded, but now I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way. I look forward to being dropped as soon as I no longer fill a function. And I enjoy no longer talking to coworkers because our contract is void. How lovely it is to acknowledge we have absolutely nothing to do with one another — it’s titillating how one could ignore and go about their day; it’s satisfying to merge into the flow, the natural order of things.
I’ll take excessive advantage of it.