The zinger is “I was only happy when I was loving other people.” And everything else is irrelevant. Anything at all! It’s free and effortless if you want it. It requires nothing else other than some open compassion.
But when I test it so I struggle. To fixate on the downsides which are in fact warpings, twisted metal haze: in the background until invasive and stabbing when it does come around. Worry about nothing with everything only to realize it’s useless and you may, after all, watch people writhe in their own suffering.
It’s just such a void thing, a void term – it only renders itself as the void that keeps growing with our consistent transience. But I guess it’s cool to be completely checked out and stonefaced. Even if it’s cowardly.
And I guess you learn the more pure form of love through a continued absence. That’s when you appreciate the things the most: when they’re gone.
If you just keep dissociating enough, maybe then you’ll noclip into the next way of thinking. Well, that’s what zazen is it seems.